Unless you’ve just had a relationship breakup that where both of you were 100% in agreement that it was time to end the relationship, the idea of breaking up stinks. Plain and simple. In the eBook “The Magic of Making Up,” the author who goes by “T.W. Jackson” (or, “T Dub” as he refers to himself) offers a number of ways to firstly figure out what went wrong to begin with, and then follows up with ideas to implement as a course of action towards rebuilding the relationship.
My guess is that you are here because you’re confused or hurt by something in your own love life, and you don’t know what went wrong. Perhaps you’ve sat alone, thinking and wondering about what you might have said or done to set things on a course of destruction – or what he or she might have said or done wrong.
There are probably as many things that can happen between a couple as there are actual couples out there, because no two people or marriages or partnerships are the same. In one case, it might be a tiny habit that drives the other person nuts, whereas that same habit is endearing to someone else. And all the relationship books on the planet are not going to be able to solve everything.
But let’s talk a little bit about the book, and T Dub’s advice in general to get a little bit of a compass reading on the direction you might take.
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One of the initial things that Jackson emphasizes is to stop and think before taking any action. For example, he talks a lot about the feeling of panic that many people have when going through a breakup, and the actions that people take when they feel this panic (e.g. constantly calling or texting the ex-partner, talking to the ex’s family, arguing over the breakup).
And, actually – if you think about it, have you ever had a friend who was in the middle of a meltdown over a breakup who began acting almost obsessively about the situation? Did he or she begin that barrage of texts or calls to the ex? And how about the constant chatter about what’s going on via his or her Facebook feed? You’ve seen this – I’m sure of it! And, if you’ve seen it, you’ve probably grimaced and felt embarrassed for your friend by this almost ridiculous display of desperation.
Now, think about how the “ex” is feeling. Probably NOT sympathetic, and probably feeling a sense of relief, and that the breakup was the right thing to do after all! So, you can certainly see why acting and behaving in a desperate manner is NOT the right way to go about trying to win back someone’s affection!
Sorry if that all sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. Usually, if a person can step back from a situation far enough to see it objectively and clearly, it will be obvious that this is not the way to move forward. To a lot of people, it sounds like common sense, but during an emotional upheaval, common sense is one of the first things to get “heaved.”
So, let’s look at this from a completely different point of view – and this is what T Dub is talking about.
He advises to begin from a calm place, and take things slowly, using some of the methods that many people have used since the beginning of time. For example, he’s not saying to be coy, but he does encourage the “hurt” or “dumped” party to take some time, get into a good, as-normal-as-can-be head space, and take the time necessary to implement some of the strategies. Some strategies include writing upbeat notes – but not too soon. Everything is about patience, seeing things from a different point of view, and essentially becoming a better person in the long run (which is good no matter whether you get your ex back or not).
Take a moment to think about the type of “upbeat” attitude you might want to project, and how you might want to approach this strategy. Let’s say a couple of weeks have passed by, and you (the “dumpee”) have calmed down a little, and you’ve not given in to the temptation to beg. You’ve given the two of you some room.
Now, this might be a potentially approachable time to write a brief note saying something like, “Hey, just wanted to check in and let you know that I appreciate all the good times, and that after considering what you said, you saw things that clearly I didn’t. I want to thank you for how you treated me and that when you did break it off, you were really kind to me about it, and I can now see that you weren’t trying to hurt me. I hope that at some point we can talk again…”
Naturally, I would hope you wouldn’t just copy what I wrote here by way of an example, because it totally depends on your particular situation, but I think you can see that this is a far more controlled way to approach your ex.
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It should be noted that at no point does “T Dub” claim to be any type of counselor or therapist. He has marketed himself as somewhat of an “everyman” who has had success with the techniques, and who others have come to for similar advice in the past. So, even though he is not any type of licensed counselor, who cares? Neither is Dear Abby, and millions of people have benefited from her age-old advice (and now her daughter, who has taken over the popular advice column).
And, frankly, some of the counselors out there who ARE licensed or otherwise credentialed aren’t always spot on when it comes to advice. Watch any daytime television show where the celebrity doctors are giving out information and advice. I can only speak from my own experience, but when I see some of them talking with their visitors to the show, I wonder what their ultimate motivation is. After all, they ARE on TV. But… let’s get back on topic.
The bottom line is that no matter what you think or what you do or whose advice you take, it’s possible that you will NOT win your ex back. There is always that possibility. This is all so true – and I’ve experienced this myself! So you’re not alone. Sometimes we’re so close to a situation that we just don’t see the forest for the trees, as they say. And the author knows and understands this. He’s not the kind of guy to tell you that you SHOULD try to get back together if you really just should be moving on.
What I find refreshing is that he does recognize this. The point of the book isn’t to hold onto something that should be “released.” And, you certainly don’t want to force a relationship that is toxic or otherwise unhealthy. No one in his right mind would ever advocate that! So, take the author’s advice and learn how to step back and look at where you and your ex are, learn how to identify the areas that went wrong, and take it from there. After you look at things in a more controlled way, you’ll get a better idea of the best way to proceed for YOUR situation.
So, here’s the thing – and the bottom line: If you have taken a good step back, and looked at your situation with fresh eyes, and after you have tried the techniques that ol’ “T Dub” has offered – and you still don’t get your ex back, chances are really pretty good that it’s just not meant to be, and you really are not compatible. Because, it’s really all about change – not changing your ex, because trying to do that is a lesson in futility – but changing yourself, and growing.
If it turns out that the relationship can be rekindled, you both will go back into it far wiser. If not, you’ll still be wiser, because now you’ll have some strategies and new-found confidence to head into your next relationship with eyes wide open. If this sounds like a good idea to you, I hope you’ll give The Magic of Making Up a read. Order Now by clicking the “Add to Cart” button below!
What? You’re still here? That must mean you have a few more questions, or you are still wondering how something you thought was so awesome could end so badly. Remember to step back, take a deep breath, and begin to determine what signs were starting to point to trouble. Make sure that you aren’t looking through the proverbial rose colored glasses and ignoring things that made the split inevitable. Remember that if you don’t change, your situation won’t change. Remember that T. Dub tells us that we cannot change others! So, don’t look to this book to try to figure out what you can do to change your ex. That would be unwise on every level.
Work on changing yourself!
Now, go get the book! www.MagicOfMakingUp.com